Harper House Rules

  It is a saying I use often. I was thinking yesterday about a conversation I had with my Dad recently, and wanted to share it with you. We were talking about the move to Illinois and how hard it was. We were talking about what it is like to uproot your life and start over somewhere new. Then the subject of my moving around alot as a kid came up, and my dad apologized for about the zillionth time about the fact my home life as a child wasn't very stable. Bless his heart- I know he has genuine regrets for some of the decisions that were made. I have know that for a long time. I have known for the greater part of my life that all of the things that weren't so great about my childhood were not intentionally done by my parents. They made mistakes. I was affected by those mistakes. None of us is a perfect parent, myself included.   As he apologized (again), I heard myself interrupt him to say "No, Dad. Really. I don't hold a grudge about it. I know that it wasn't the l...

  We lost my Uncle Joe on Wednesday. It is a ridiculous statement really. He was only 56 years old. No major health problems that we knew of. Just out of nowhere, he is taken. Death isn't beautiful or romantic. It isn't like the movies. It is painful, tearful, emotionally draining and downright snotty. I have been rather lucky so far- I haven't experienced alot of loss in my life. Most of the people I love and am close to are still here. I am devastated to know that I will never have the chance to go visit him. I have been invited a zillion times over the last 10 years, and it just never seems to come together. We get busy. Too busy. We think we will do it later, next summer, next year....then suddenly, life throws a curve ball and all of your options are eliminated. Permanently.   Although losing him is hard for me, it is not even comparable with what my Grandmother is feeling. This is not the natural order of things. Parents are supposed to go first. No mother should hav...

   I am certain that for a long time I took them for granted. They were always just "there", so it never occurred to me how valuable they were in my life. At least when I was younger it didn't. In the last two years I began  journey to learn about my heritage and became an avid genealogist. Not only have a learned alot about my roots, but I have learned alot about who I am in the process.   During the course of the research of my family tree, I realized just how valuable certain people have been in my life. Not just in the ways that they loved and cared for me. Also in the way that knowing so much about where they came from has helped me have a greater sense of self. My paternal grandparents were instrumental in raising me. I spent the majority of my childhood in their home. It wasn't until I started digging into my roots that I realized how precious this was.   What started off as a geneaoligical journey has turned into something deeper for me. I realize that...

     Raising children is a challenge. Some days, it seems an insurmountable task- testing your patience, knowledge and sanity. Lately Dane, my 6 year old son has decided to start lying on a regular basis. Granted, the majority of these lies are silly, fluffy and white and don't really cause any major damage to him or anyone else. But it has made me wonder- are we naturally inclined to lie? How does someone so small seem to be drawn to the concept of being dishonest? Well, the jury is still out on that one. I personally believe that it is just another way to test limits. Another chapter in the book of children wanting to break free from their parents and the rules they set. An ugly little glimpse into what even the tiniest people will do to get what they want, without consequence.     After a series of lies, I tried to have a conversation with him about lying. I covered all the usual bases- how there is no need to lie, how he will be in MORE ...

   I am a child of domestic violence. Most people don't know that about me. I won’t specify who or when or where, because the details aren’t important. However, I spent a large part of my childhood in a home that was terrifying. It was a home that included an abusive alcoholic that made every day feel uncertain. Let me say from the beginning, this person never laid a hand on me. This person never mistreated me directly in any way that I can recall.   I witnessed the abuse of a family member for over 5 years. I was very young when it started, and unfortunately some of my most vivid childhood memories contain images violence. I don’t blame the person that I loved. That person has reasons why they were willing to accept this kind of treatment, and this story isn’t about them. That person is still a dearly loved and valued person, and that will never change. This story is about me.   This is the story of the little girl hiding behind the chair in the living room. A chil...

    I had a bit of an epiphany the other day. It seems to me that these eye opening moments often happen at the strangest times. It can happen when I am doing something routine or mundane. It can happen when I am doing something silly and seemingly insignificant with my children. This was the latter.     Me and my sweet little Zoey were dancing around the living room. Let me start by saying that this is normal behavior in my house. Me and the kids break into random song or dance almost every day of the week. I am sure most people would think we are a whole house full of crazy people. I am inclined to agree most of the time:) But I digress....     So, me and Zo were dancing to "Change the World" by Eric Clapton and Babyface. This wasn't a song I chose on purpose. It just happened to be on one of those cable music channels. We were doing our best version of a waltz. I had her in my arms and were were making full ...

  The "car rider" line at my son's school is impossibly long. Due to the fact that Zoey's afternoon nap usually runs over into pick-up time, we are usually running impossibly late. It is usually a mad dash to the car and to the school, only to find we will be sitting there in line for at least 15 minutes anyway. So, on this particular day, I had run through the drive through at McDonald's to get her a snack before heading over to hurry up and wait.  She finished her food and was holding up her tiny little hands to be wiped off. Since we were just waiting, I thought it was a good moment to show her how to use a napkin. So I demonstrate how to do it, then hand it to her and she mimics perfectly. Great job Mom, right?? Well, hold on a minute...   This little girl of mine is VERY different from my son. She is 1 going on 13, I am certain of it.  She is a sweet little baby. She exudes so much personality that you would swear she drinks sunshine rather than milk. She ...