What I Should Have Said
I woke up today feeling empty. Just as empty as I was this same time last week. A week ago today, my precious Mamaw left this world. She slipped out of her old, disease stricken body like slipping off a Sunday dress. In the end, it was peaceful. After several weeks of instense pain, she was finally free. And although I am grateful she is no longer suffering, I am left with a feeling of emptiness I can barely put into words. After the actual event, there was the process. The visitation, the funeral, the burial. And I walked away from all of that still feeling a void. Not just a void over our loss, but a void over what I felt was a failure on my part. That I didn’t stand and speak for her, that I didn’t represent her. That instead of her being personalized and people leaving the funeral feeling closer to her than when they came- there was a definitive gap in anyone really conveying the essence of her- a wife, mother, grandmother, and friend. Although I realize it is futile to feel