Everything Happens for a Reason?
It is a saying I use often. I was thinking yesterday about a conversation I had with my Dad recently, and wanted to share it with you. We were talking about the move to Illinois and how hard it was. We were talking about what it is like to uproot your life and start over somewhere new. Then the subject of my moving around alot as a kid came up, and my dad apologized for about the zillionth time about the fact my home life as a child wasn't very stable. Bless his heart- I know he has genuine regrets for some of the decisions that were made. I have know that for a long time. I have known for the greater part of my life that all of the things that weren't so great about my childhood were not intentionally done by my parents. They made mistakes. I was affected by those mistakes. None of us is a perfect parent, myself included.
As he apologized (again), I heard myself interrupt him to say "No, Dad. Really. I don't hold a grudge about it. I know that it wasn't the life you had planned for me, and I know you feel bad. But, really, Daddy- if I hadn't gone through all of that as a child, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of the stuff I am faced with now. It helped prepare me for my life, and there isn't much I can't handle." And I meant it. Every word.
Having challenges as a child helped me face the world in a totally different way than some of my peers. It has turned out to be a bit of a back-handed blessing I think. When other people might panic or dissolve into a puddle of self-pity, I start looking for a solution to whatever the problem is. I know from a lifetime of experience with difficulites that worrying, panicking, wallowing and blaming won't fix a thing. There are times when you can't change a situation at all- the only option you have is to change your attitude. So many people would be better off if they could understand this.
The conversation with my Dad made me start thinking, why do bad things happen to us? Is it part of a divine plan? I have decided that it isn't. Life just HAPPENS. Good and bad. I honestly don't believe that God sits around orchestrating our daily ups and downs. I think that for the most part, life just moves along, presenting you with oppurtunites to fail and succeed. You can decide to become stuck in a world of gloom and doom, and surround yourself with negativity. Self-pity, self-loathing, blame and denial won't get you anywhere but depressed. It isn't productive. In fact, it is a waste of what precious little time we have on this earth.
I know we have all heard the saying: "Everything happens for a reason". I have worn this one out with my husband over the years. But in a sense, I believe it is true. If you can learn to be content and happy in your life, you will realize that without each step in the journey, you would not be where you are at this exact moment. Every decision you have made up until this point led you to where you are today. Notice I said DECISION. As in, there is no magic God-fairy type thing out there causing all of this. Most of the time, YOU are.
Another good one is the serenity prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Wow. How true is that? I know we have all seen this one a zillion times, but have you ever really thought about how powerful of a statement that is? When in the midst of difficult times, if you think about it in those terms, you can figure out what direction to take.
Here are two of my favorites:
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it , change your attitude."
-Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"
-Maya Angelou
Smart lady, that Maya Angelou. She has figured out that the secret of life is in your attitude. You perception. Your actions. YOU. Bad days will come and go, some worse than others. When you are faced with difficulties, don't waste your time figuring out someone else's next move. Instead, focus on what your reaction will be. Spend your time on the one variable you can control. YOU. Take ownership in what is going on in your life. Take responsibility for your role. You will have to become flexible, adjust your expectations. You will have to accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be. You will have to understand that you are, in fact, not perfect- and neither is the person you are so angry with. Not everyone is capable of the same level of understanding, compassion, forgiveness or love. Neither are YOU.
So in the words of the Beatles song....Let It Be. Or don't. The path you choose is completely up to you. Don't spend so much time focusing on the things that you don't like that you miss out on all the things you could be loving. Peace, love, and happiness my friends. 2012 is going to be a great year. I am making sure of it:)
As he apologized (again), I heard myself interrupt him to say "No, Dad. Really. I don't hold a grudge about it. I know that it wasn't the life you had planned for me, and I know you feel bad. But, really, Daddy- if I hadn't gone through all of that as a child, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of the stuff I am faced with now. It helped prepare me for my life, and there isn't much I can't handle." And I meant it. Every word.
Having challenges as a child helped me face the world in a totally different way than some of my peers. It has turned out to be a bit of a back-handed blessing I think. When other people might panic or dissolve into a puddle of self-pity, I start looking for a solution to whatever the problem is. I know from a lifetime of experience with difficulites that worrying, panicking, wallowing and blaming won't fix a thing. There are times when you can't change a situation at all- the only option you have is to change your attitude. So many people would be better off if they could understand this.
The conversation with my Dad made me start thinking, why do bad things happen to us? Is it part of a divine plan? I have decided that it isn't. Life just HAPPENS. Good and bad. I honestly don't believe that God sits around orchestrating our daily ups and downs. I think that for the most part, life just moves along, presenting you with oppurtunites to fail and succeed. You can decide to become stuck in a world of gloom and doom, and surround yourself with negativity. Self-pity, self-loathing, blame and denial won't get you anywhere but depressed. It isn't productive. In fact, it is a waste of what precious little time we have on this earth.
I know we have all heard the saying: "Everything happens for a reason". I have worn this one out with my husband over the years. But in a sense, I believe it is true. If you can learn to be content and happy in your life, you will realize that without each step in the journey, you would not be where you are at this exact moment. Every decision you have made up until this point led you to where you are today. Notice I said DECISION. As in, there is no magic God-fairy type thing out there causing all of this. Most of the time, YOU are.
Another good one is the serenity prayer. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Wow. How true is that? I know we have all seen this one a zillion times, but have you ever really thought about how powerful of a statement that is? When in the midst of difficult times, if you think about it in those terms, you can figure out what direction to take.
Here are two of my favorites:
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it , change your attitude."
-Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"
-Maya Angelou
Smart lady, that Maya Angelou. She has figured out that the secret of life is in your attitude. You perception. Your actions. YOU. Bad days will come and go, some worse than others. When you are faced with difficulties, don't waste your time figuring out someone else's next move. Instead, focus on what your reaction will be. Spend your time on the one variable you can control. YOU. Take ownership in what is going on in your life. Take responsibility for your role. You will have to become flexible, adjust your expectations. You will have to accept other people for what they are, not what you want them to be. You will have to understand that you are, in fact, not perfect- and neither is the person you are so angry with. Not everyone is capable of the same level of understanding, compassion, forgiveness or love. Neither are YOU.
So in the words of the Beatles song....Let It Be. Or don't. The path you choose is completely up to you. Don't spend so much time focusing on the things that you don't like that you miss out on all the things you could be loving. Peace, love, and happiness my friends. 2012 is going to be a great year. I am making sure of it:)
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