The Gift of Grandparents in life.... and geneaology
I am certain that for a long time I took them for granted. They were always just "there", so it never occurred to me how valuable they were in my life. At least when I was younger it didn't. In the last two years I began journey to learn about my heritage and became an avid genealogist. Not only have a learned alot about my roots, but I have learned alot about who I am in the process.
During the course of the research of my family tree, I realized just how valuable certain people have been in my life. Not just in the ways that they loved and cared for me. Also in the way that knowing so much about where they came from has helped me have a greater sense of self. My paternal grandparents were instrumental in raising me. I spent the majority of my childhood in their home. It wasn't until I started digging into my roots that I realized how precious this was.
What started off as a geneaoligical journey has turned into something deeper for me. I realize that I know my grandparents stories very well. I know where they were born, raised, lived, got married etc. I know that my grandfather's dad died of tuberculosis when he was only 4. I have heard he and my great aunt share with me what that time in their lives was like. I have heard how difficult their mother was, and how hard childhood became afterwards. I know that my grandmother's dad was and alcoholic who made life hard for everyone else. I know that her mother was a quiet, god fearing woman who was basically disowned by her wealthy family for choosing this man. I have heard story after story about how my Mamaw and Papaw grew up, what their parents were like, what their grandparents were like etc. I have heard about war rations and bomb sirens. I have learned about hard times and difficult people.
I know all about their triumphs and failures, but mostly about what it means to persevere. They have taught me about having faith, and about believing in something greater than yourself. I have watched them be selfless and generous- unfailingly- with no expectaion of getting anything in return. I have learned that you do the right thing, no matter what. When you give what you have, tell the truth, be kind....you are putting good into the world that will inevitably come back to you in the form of a blessing. I am by no means claiming them to be saints. They are human and flawed like anyone else. Without them, however, I am certain that I would not be who I am today. I am gratedul for every second I have had with them over the last 33 years of my life. What an unexpected gift it has been!
Now to the other side of my family- I realize now that I know NOTHING. I was never close with my maternal grandparents. They divorced when my mother was young, and neither of them were very involved with me as a child. It wasn't until I began my research that I realized how much I don't know. I have no stories. I have no indication of how they grew up. I was never on a personal level with either of them. My grandfather died in 2001, and I was only around him a handful of times. I have tried going sideways and up and down in the family tree to try to get a little more information and can't seem to get anywhere. I have found myself extremely frustrated, because no one seems to know much or have the time to talk to me. I do know there is a lot of negativeity to be found concerning him. I know he was married several times. He was an alcoholic and could be abusive. I know that he was also a musician, who was apparently rather talented. I also know he was devilishly handsome aand apparently quite charming at times. I can't help but be sad that I never got the chance to talk to him and ask him some questions about his childhood. I would love to know more about his mother and father.I would love to have known HIM. Good, bad and ugly. It has been very hard for me. My personality is warm, open and direct. I have been struggling lately to reconcile the fact that all of the relatives I have found that might have some of this information don't seem interested in helping me. At first I was hurt and angry. Then finally, I had a light bulb moment.
I have decided I will not take it personally. I realize that most of these people grew up a part of that family, so any family history they know is probably not a big deal to them. Those little snippets they have heard over the years seem insignificant to them, but might as well be gold in my eyes. I would love to have a better sense of where I come from, but there is no way I can force other people to see how important this is to me. I realize some of them may find me intrusive. Although that is hurtful, I am trying to understand it. I am trying to remind myself that not everyone is willing to share family details with someone who is basically a stranger. I get it...I really do. That doesn't mean I have to like it, or that it doesn't sting. Sometimes it feels as though there is a trunk with my entire family history locked in it, and although several people have the keys, they just aren't willing to let me look inside. I am going to have to find a way to live with that I guess.
SO, instead of being upset by what I don't have, I have made a decision to be grateful for what I DO have. For my first hand knowledge of my paternal history. For being such and inquisitive child, and having grandparents who were willing to abide that sometimes annoying nature. For several of the other distant relatives that have been gracious and willing to let me move from being a stranger to an actual family member. Slowly but surely, I am filling in the blanks in the hopes that anyone who comes after me will have all of the information. I have always believed that you can't know where you are going until you know where you have been. I am grateful for what I DO know. And I am learning that in order to be happy, sometimes you have to learn to be happy with what is, rather than what you wanted it to be. Two very special people taught me that:)
Thank you Mamaw and Papaw. All of the times you have said that I was a blessing to you, you were really the blessing to me. The gifts you have given me have been abundant and continue to enrich my life and help me grow. I love you.
During the course of the research of my family tree, I realized just how valuable certain people have been in my life. Not just in the ways that they loved and cared for me. Also in the way that knowing so much about where they came from has helped me have a greater sense of self. My paternal grandparents were instrumental in raising me. I spent the majority of my childhood in their home. It wasn't until I started digging into my roots that I realized how precious this was.
What started off as a geneaoligical journey has turned into something deeper for me. I realize that I know my grandparents stories very well. I know where they were born, raised, lived, got married etc. I know that my grandfather's dad died of tuberculosis when he was only 4. I have heard he and my great aunt share with me what that time in their lives was like. I have heard how difficult their mother was, and how hard childhood became afterwards. I know that my grandmother's dad was and alcoholic who made life hard for everyone else. I know that her mother was a quiet, god fearing woman who was basically disowned by her wealthy family for choosing this man. I have heard story after story about how my Mamaw and Papaw grew up, what their parents were like, what their grandparents were like etc. I have heard about war rations and bomb sirens. I have learned about hard times and difficult people.
I know all about their triumphs and failures, but mostly about what it means to persevere. They have taught me about having faith, and about believing in something greater than yourself. I have watched them be selfless and generous- unfailingly- with no expectaion of getting anything in return. I have learned that you do the right thing, no matter what. When you give what you have, tell the truth, be kind....you are putting good into the world that will inevitably come back to you in the form of a blessing. I am by no means claiming them to be saints. They are human and flawed like anyone else. Without them, however, I am certain that I would not be who I am today. I am gratedul for every second I have had with them over the last 33 years of my life. What an unexpected gift it has been!
Now to the other side of my family- I realize now that I know NOTHING. I was never close with my maternal grandparents. They divorced when my mother was young, and neither of them were very involved with me as a child. It wasn't until I began my research that I realized how much I don't know. I have no stories. I have no indication of how they grew up. I was never on a personal level with either of them. My grandfather died in 2001, and I was only around him a handful of times. I have tried going sideways and up and down in the family tree to try to get a little more information and can't seem to get anywhere. I have found myself extremely frustrated, because no one seems to know much or have the time to talk to me. I do know there is a lot of negativeity to be found concerning him. I know he was married several times. He was an alcoholic and could be abusive. I know that he was also a musician, who was apparently rather talented. I also know he was devilishly handsome aand apparently quite charming at times. I can't help but be sad that I never got the chance to talk to him and ask him some questions about his childhood. I would love to know more about his mother and father.I would love to have known HIM. Good, bad and ugly. It has been very hard for me. My personality is warm, open and direct. I have been struggling lately to reconcile the fact that all of the relatives I have found that might have some of this information don't seem interested in helping me. At first I was hurt and angry. Then finally, I had a light bulb moment.
I have decided I will not take it personally. I realize that most of these people grew up a part of that family, so any family history they know is probably not a big deal to them. Those little snippets they have heard over the years seem insignificant to them, but might as well be gold in my eyes. I would love to have a better sense of where I come from, but there is no way I can force other people to see how important this is to me. I realize some of them may find me intrusive. Although that is hurtful, I am trying to understand it. I am trying to remind myself that not everyone is willing to share family details with someone who is basically a stranger. I get it...I really do. That doesn't mean I have to like it, or that it doesn't sting. Sometimes it feels as though there is a trunk with my entire family history locked in it, and although several people have the keys, they just aren't willing to let me look inside. I am going to have to find a way to live with that I guess.
SO, instead of being upset by what I don't have, I have made a decision to be grateful for what I DO have. For my first hand knowledge of my paternal history. For being such and inquisitive child, and having grandparents who were willing to abide that sometimes annoying nature. For several of the other distant relatives that have been gracious and willing to let me move from being a stranger to an actual family member. Slowly but surely, I am filling in the blanks in the hopes that anyone who comes after me will have all of the information. I have always believed that you can't know where you are going until you know where you have been. I am grateful for what I DO know. And I am learning that in order to be happy, sometimes you have to learn to be happy with what is, rather than what you wanted it to be. Two very special people taught me that:)
Thank you Mamaw and Papaw. All of the times you have said that I was a blessing to you, you were really the blessing to me. The gifts you have given me have been abundant and continue to enrich my life and help me grow. I love you.
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