Just A Girl

  I have a 5, almost 6 year old daughter now. She is bright, funny and often times, tempermental. She is sometimes like a teenager stuck in a tiny little body. Raising a girl is a different experience for sure. Being male or female comes with it's own set of baggage. It's own set of restrictions or expectations. Being aware of those things will help you get through life. It helps you at least understand what you are up against, and makes things easier to navigate at times.

  At dinner, the other night, she was dropping hints. About food of all things. About being "almost done" and "it sure was good". It was code for "I'd like some more." It completely struck me as a teachable moment. Yes. For a 5 year old. Here is basically how the conversation went:

Me- " Are you saying you are still hungry and would like more food?"

Zo- "Yes." 

Me-" Well, then just say you would like more. There is no reason to hint about something you want."

Zo- "Oh, ok." (slight look of confusion)

Me- "Listen. I need you to look at me. NEVER be afraid to ask for what you want. You do not need to drop hints. You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed to ask for things you want or need. Not ever. Too many things will happen as you get older where it will be extremely important that people hear and understand what you need. Never be afraid. It is no one's job to figure out what your hints mean. It is your job to tell them, and then see how they respond. Being a girl is hard sometimes. Never let anyone make you feel like you have to hide your feelings, or that you can't speak up when you need something." 

Zo- "Oh, ok." (slightly less confused, but probably didn't make a whole lot of sense to a 5 year old)

  This is a subject I have been feeling particularly touchy about since my grandmother passed away. She came from a generation of women who were taught to submit. Not have opinions. Not question. Not nag. I have been thinking about what it means to spend your whole life feeling like you have no control over your circumstances. You were there to cook, clean, do laundry, and not complain. You were supposed to raise the babies, and have no other identity than that. Yes, things have come along way since that generation was raising families. But there are still echoes of that mentality in current society. I'll explain.

   There are several terms that get used towards women specifically. Women are seen as difficult, demanding or emotional, in situations that when a man reacts similarly no one bats an eye. If you speak your mind, you are opinionated. Ask too many questions, you are a nag. Show a need for affection, you are needy. Show too much interest in a guy, you are needy. Too much interest in sex, you are a slut. Show any insecurity, you are crazy. And when other labels fail, the term "bitch" will be slung. The list goes on and on. 

  If you are raising a girl, pay attention. It is important that they know they have just as much value as their male peers. If they can learn from the time they are little that they MATTER, then they may not question it as much later. I don't want my sweet girl to be wrestling with a situation later in life, and ever feel guilty for how she feels, or what she wants. I want her to have an inherent understanding, a natural inclination to be strong willed. I want her to know her own mind, and be ok with who she is. Whether it be a friend, boyfriend, boss, family member- doesn't matter. I want her to be able to SPEAK HER TRUTH. If you speak your truth and it is accepted (even if not necessarily agreed with), then the other person is probably worthy of keeping in your life. But anytime you speak your heart and it is met with rejection, ambivalence, or even worse, dismissal- it is time to re-evaluate. No one who cares about you should ever make you feel insignificant. Calling them on it should never lead to you being labeled. It's up to us to raise a generation of girls who look at themselves in the mirror and see that they are in fact, "ENOUGH". In every sense of the word. She is not "just a girl". She never was. 

   Yes, I know it was a tiny moment over an extra helping of a meal. And yes, I realize that at 5, it might not make a lot of impact...at least not right now. But, I promise you that I will try to seize every moment to teach all of my kids how to be their best self, and be proud of who they are. Sooner than we all realize the babies we gave birth to will be trying to figure life out for themselves. I only hope I can prove a worthy guide for these little humans. We are raising adults, not children. I pray that I never lose sight of that. 

Peace, Love and Girl Power!